How Couples Therapy Season 4 Highlights the Challenges of New Parenthood: Lessons from Elíana and Mitch
The series Couples Therapy on SBS On Demand provides an unfiltered view into the real-life dynamics of couples as they navigate the complexities of their relationships. Led by therapist Dr. Orna Guralnik, the show delves into the emotional and psychological challenges that partners face. Dr. Guralnik’s approach blends psychodynamic therapy, which explores how unconscious processes influence present behavior, with attachment theory, which examines how early life relationships shape an individual's ability to connect with others in adulthood.
In Season 4, the couple Elíana and Mitch offers a compelling case study on the realities of new parenthood, highlighting the deep-seated differences that can arise between partners when they are faced with the demands of raising a young child. Here are my thoughts and advice about how we can learn from the show, as a Melbourne couples counsellor practicing in North Fitzroy.
Elíana and Mitch: A Case Study in Modern Parenthood
Elíana and Mitch are new parents, and the birth of their child has brought significant tensions to the surface. Elíana, who struggles with obsessive-compulsive tendencies, becomes increasingly frustrated with Mitch’s approach to household duties and child-rearing. She often perceives Mitch as lacking initiative and competence, which leads to her feeling the need to control their home environment more strictly. On the other hand, Mitch holds more traditional views on parenting which has him take a backseat, believing that the mother should take the lead in the early years of a child's life, with the father becoming more involved as the child grows older.
This dynamic creates a power struggle within their relationship, as both partners feel misunderstood and underappreciated. Dr. Guralnik helps them navigate these issues by encouraging Mitch to develop a plan for how they can live together more harmoniously and urging both partners to let go of their defensive behaviours and embrace vulnerability. Through this process, Elíana reveals that her controlling behaviour is closely linked to her obsessive-compulsive tendencies, illustrating how mental health struggles can deeply affect relationship dynamics.
Key Issues and How Couples Can Manage Them
The challenges faced by Elíana and Mitch are common among new parents. Below are some key issues they encounter, along with advice on how couples can navigate these challenges:
Division of Labour for Chores
Unequal distribution of household tasks can lead to resentment and conflict. Elíana’s frustration with Mitch’s perceived lack of initiative stems from this imbalance, and their communication interactions further aggravate the dynamic. Couples can address this by having open discussions about their expectations and agreeing on a fair division of labour that considers both partners' strengths and availability.
I suggest here that couples can implement a weekly check-in meeting where you review the division of tasks and adjust as needed, ensuring that both partners feel their contributions are valued and balanced. During this meeting, focus on appreciation and constructive feedback rather than criticism.
Dealing with Different Values Around Child Raising
Mitch’s traditional views on parenting conflict with Elíana’s expectations, creating tension – especially where these views aren’t explicitly communicated and bubble below the surface. It’s important for couples to communicate openly about their parenting philosophies early on and find common ground, recognising that both partners bring valuable perspectives to raising their child.
To solve this, you can create a shared parenting philosophy document where you both outline your values and approaches. Revisit this document regularly and allow it to evolve as you both learn and grow as parents. This can serve as a reference during disagreements, reminding you of your shared goals.
Changing Who Takes the Initiative by Building Confidence and Stepping Back
Elíana’s perception that Mitch doesn’t take enough initiative is a common issue in many relationships. Couples can work on this by encouraging the less active partner to take on more responsibilities while the other steps back, allowing space for growth and confidence-building. It’s important this is considered a “hand-over” period so that the person with the burden of initiative can contribute without resentment.
To do this, you can identify specific tasks where one partner can practice taking more initiative. Start with low-stakes situations to build confidence, and gradually move to more significant responsibilities. The other partner should practice stepping back and offering support only when needed, resisting the urge to take over.
Dealing with Mental Health Issues, Together
Elíana’s obsessive-compulsive tendencies significantly affect her behaviour and her relationship with Mitch. Couples facing similar challenges should seek professional help, understanding that mental health is a shared concern that impacts the entire family dynamic. Therapy with an expert can offer strategies for managing these issues together, fostering empathy and support.
In sessions, we can develop a shared mental health plan that includes both individual and couple strategies, such as specific ways to offer support during difficult moments, agreed-upon boundaries, and self-care routines that both partners can engage in. We can regularly discuss how these strategies are working and adjust as needed.
How Counselling Can Help
As shown in Couples Therapy, counselling provides a safe space for couples to explore their issues with the guidance of a trained professional. It helps partners understand each other’s perspectives, develop healthier communication patterns, and work through conflicts in a constructive way. For Elíana and Mitch, Dr. Guralnik’s interventions are crucial in helping them move past their frustrations and reconnect on a deeper level. We see this as the season goes on and Elíana softens her communication, Mitch takes more initiative and vulnerability blossoms.
Prior to a counselling session, I sometimes ask both partners to independently write down their main concerns and goals for the session. This ensures that both voices are heard and helps the counsellor guide the conversation more effectively. After the session, take time to debrief together, discussing what resonated and how to apply the insights gained.
Don’t wait, reach out to me now for support through the challenges of parenting and relationships. Located in Fitzroy North.
Featured image by Benji Aird on Unsplash